How Old Is Your Baby???

I guess to most parents, the question of "How old is your baby" would go unnoticed and probably would never provoke much thought at all. Throw a micro preemie into the equation, and clearly you have a game changer. I really never put much thought into that particular question until recently. I suppose that being sheltered at home on the island when Travis came home helped a lot, because most people knew his story and knew that he was small. I suppose I was lucky in that respect, that the town knew not to ask, and maybe because he was only 9 weeks early, people didn't see the such a dramatic difference between him and a full term infant. Vanessa is the game changer.

I think back to a week or two prior to Vanessa's release from the hospital to a day that the unit Social Worker came to chat with me. This was not abnormal. Spending everyday at Vanessa's bedside for almost 5 months earned us quite a few visitors. Doctors, nurses, social workers, speech therapists, occupational therapists and more visited us daily, and we enjoyed it. On this particular day though, the Social Worker had something she wanted to prepare me for. She asked me a question that I didn't know how to answer. She asked me "What are you going to say when someone asks 'how old is your baby?' ". I was perplexed. I really hadn't put any thought into it. Maybe because I was so engulfed in the chaos of the hospital, but I just hadn't envisioned those moments when I had Vanessa out with me in the public. The Social Worker I'm sure saw the look on my face, revealing that it hadn't even crossed my mind and explained that this was something she heard from a lot of parents after discharge. She explained that there are 2 ways to handle it. A) Tell the innocent bystander the truth, risking that you may have to share more with an innocent stranger than you would like to, or B) Lie and give Vanessa's due date, which would ward off any uncomfortable questions.

Well, lying to me seemed out of the question. It didn't seem right to discredit all that Vanessa has been through by saying she is something that she is not. So I chose to tell strangers the truth, and found that wasn't much easier. I got responses like "she is really small" or "I just saw another 6 month old, he was much bigger". That stung, if only the knew how small she was and how far she's come.

So, I've come to a few realizations. The first is that when someone asks the dreaded question "How old is your baby?" I reply very vaguely and say "oh, she's little". I've found a lot of success with this, because it seems to prevent any additional questions without being rude or hurtful. Secondly, and most importantly, I've decided the question itself is stupid. Yeah, I said it, stupid. I understand that it is a way to relate to a perfect stranger and acknowledge the beautiful baby with them, but try something else. "What's your baby's name?" would be perfectly appropriate. Please don't feel offended if you have asked this question, because I understand that until you have a 25 weeker, you really can't understand how it would feel. I'm sure that most mamas and daddys are happy to answer that question and see it as a badge of honor, but in the off chance that you come across a preemie parent, you just don't know what response you will get.

Ramblings of a Preemie Mama!

♥ Cassea