The Happiest Place On Earth

... is truly that. Our experience this year at Disney was truly magical, as usual. We did lots of things this year that we haven't done in the past, topping the list was visiting California Adventure. I have to say that I really haven't heard great things about California Adventure, so I had not made it a priority, but whoever told me those things were sorely mistaken. I was blown away. Cars Land was AMAZING, but even without that, I still think I would have thoroughly enjoyed myself. Here is my top 10 list of things that I enjoyed the most this year.

• Watching Travis cling to my Dad on our first go around on Pirates and listening to my Dad narrate the ride to him, which he obviously did to calm Travis's nerves. It was especially entertaining because Travis has been on Pirates many times, but I guess his memories of the ride were inaccurate, because he could not have been closer to his Grandpa Dennis if he tried.

• Travis's multiple attempts to get the sword out of the stone.

 

 

 

• The Parades (yes multiple, we sat and watched 2 parades this year!). Travis loved seeing all the characters and Vanessa loved listening to the music and dancing her little behind off.

 

• World of Color in California Adventure. It was amazing, and the only regret I have is that we had our things in a locker in Disneyland and had to leave early to get back into the park.

• I have to admit that I have not been on a legitimate roller coaster since before I had Travis. Call it the Mommy fear sinking in, but I haven't been able to get over it. This year I was coerced into riding on Screamin' California in California Adventure and it was a blast!

• Turtle Talk with Crush was my favorite thing by far on this trip. I only wish I would have recorded it. Crush took a liking to Travis and even let Travis ask him if he knew about Tae-Kwon Do. It was hillarious and Travis had this magical look on his face that was priceless.

• Star Tours was Travis's favorite ride this trip to Disneyland. The last 2 trips Travis was either not tall enough or the ride was not open, so he was very excited to go on it this year. Since we couldn't take Vanessa, Travis first rode with Henry and Auntie Caitlin, and then Travis, Caitlin and I went on it. Travis told me while waiting in line "Mom, this is going to blow your mind" and then after we got off the ride he said "So Mom, was your mind blown?". It was classic Travis!

• Cars Land was phenomenal. We saw it at night and during the day, and at night was just spectacular. The colors were so vivd and real, and we even came across a dance party that Harper happily took part in.

 

 

Vanessa getting her first set of ears. Call it good old nostalgia, but Vanessa getting her first set of ears that were just like her big brothers was a moment for me.

 

• Character Breakfast with Minnie and Friends was fantastic. It was pricey, but I've always wanted to do it, and since this year we were spending 2 days between Disneyland and California Adventure, we made the time for it. It was so worth it. The characters were, well, characters. Captain Hook got very nervous when we asked him about that crocodile, Tigger and Rafiki were hopping around being silly as usual, and Miss Minnie Mouse was a delightful host. Only bummer that came out of this meal is that Vanessa developed a fear of the characters in costumes... She screamed when Minnie came to say hello. I hope she will over it by next year.

As you can see, we just had the best time. Vanessa was a trooper the entire time too, which made our visit even more fun. One thing we did this year was Disney's Photo Pass and it was the best $70 we spent this trip. I hate asking for people to take pictures of the 4 of us, and the odds that you're going to get a good photo are slim. But, I had done a little research in advance and found out the cost and Henry and I were photo pass fools. Almost everywhere we saw a Disney Photographer, we got a picture.

Here are some more photos from our trip that I just had to share!

Universal Healthcare... Anyone???

Ok, so I rarely come on here to vent, or at least I try not to. But I'm just so frustrated today that I have to share.

When I was pregnant with Travis I had health insurance for myself under my moms policy, but Travis wouldn't have been covered unless my mom was considered a guardian. So Henry and I had planned on applying for MediCal (California's low income health insurance) before Travis was born, but when Travis was born 9 weeks early we hadn't even started the process. It was no problem though as Henry and I met with a social worker at the hospital about a week after Travis was born and everything was taken care of. Of course I had my own medical bills from my very expensive, middle of the night, helicopter ride and the c-section, but for Travis I never saw a bill. Everything was taken care of and the only thing I worried about was getting to the appointments. Every developmental follow up, RSV Shot, and coverage for the apnea monitor that he was on for 4 months was covered. Henry and I didn't take advantage of the system. It helped us when we needed it. We probably would have qualified for WIC and food stamps, but we really didn't need it and I never wanted to abuse the system. We didn't even get health insurance for Henry and I because we only needed it for Travis.

Fast forward 1 year, we had moved to Arizona and I had started work at Discover with full benefits. I was feeling pretty dang awesome considering that everything was falling together so well. Of course we struggled. Henry worked 3 jobs while going to school full time (don't ask me how he did it, because it was insane). But we just made it work. We hardly ever used our private insurance, really only for Travis's well visits and if Henry or I got sick with a cold that we couldn't shake.

So now, in the past year and a half that I've really needed our health insurance with Vanessa, it has been the most stressful experience imaginable. The bills were so overwhelming that I couldn't even look at them, so eventually most of them went into default. I've been able to catch up in the past 6 months, but what I don't get is how I could have managed it better with a micro-preemie. I went back to work 4 weeks after having her, and spent every waking hour split between the hospital, work and home. It was exhausting enough to keep up with my regular bills, let alone new ones that I didn't understand. And then, 3 months after Vanessa came home, Travis broke his arm. 2 months later, Vanessa got RSV. Bills, bills, bills... And all I can think is if I was still on state health insurance, these wouldn't be things I would have ever worried about. I wouldn't have freaked out on the drive to the hospital that Travis was at about how much this was going to set us back. I wouldn't have waited until Vanessa was limp in our arms from RSV to get her to urgent care. My mind would have been exactly where it should have been, focusing on the health and well being of my kids.

It's so frustrating. To add insult to injury, at the end of 2012 my doctor recommended that Vanessa get a second season of RSV shots because she had gotten the virus over the summer. He had to send a letter and basically beg/borrow/steal to get the insurance to cover the $5000 shot that has to be delivered monthly. Our insurance covered it, probably angry at the fact that they had to pay for her to spend a week in the hospital over RSV which probably cost them a pretty penny. But my luck would have it that January 1st we got a new insurance plan. Start over. When the clinic called to set up my Vanessa's appointment for her RSV shot I explained my concern that the doctor had not sent the letter to the new insurance, so we should wait. The clinic said "oh no, don't you worry, Blue Cross/Blue Shield is on automatic approval".... Wait, WHAT? You would've thought I had won the lotto for how excited I was, only to find out a month later that the shot wasn't covered. $5000... I don't even know what to say. I almost cried on the phone today with the doctors office, the clinic, the insurance and the pharmacy that supplies the shots. I spent an hour on hold with all those places just to be given the run around. I'm trying to not lose hope and I know it will all work out in the end, but I just can't stop comparing this to Travis. Travis, who got the entire season of RSV shots and the only thing I had to do was schedule the appointment.

How is that fair?

Siblings

When Travis was born, my world changed. I welcomed it. I had an idea of what parenting would be like, but I never expected to love him so much. I guess you just can't know that kind of love until your a parent. A worried, delightful and sometimes exasperating love. I never considered whether my heart would have enough room for him, it just did.

I wanted Vanessa for a long time. I wanted Travis to have a sibling, because I have never intended for him to be an only child. But when Travis was born 9 weeks early, it scared us. Henry and I decided that we would have to wait for Travis to be in school before having another just in case we had another preemie.

It wasn't until I was hospitalized when I was pregnant with Vanessa that I had regrets. I didn't get to see Travis everyday and when I did, it wasn't for long. I didn't get to cuddle him, because most of the time I was hooked up to an IV. He was scared of me, and I could tell. All I could think of was how selfish I was for wanting another child.

And then, Vanessa was born so small and so helpless (it seemed at least). Travis couldn't see her, he wasn't allowed in the unit because of a Whopping Cough outbreak. Then, the day after Vanessa was born, she took a turn for the worst. We thought we might lose her, and all I could think was how would I explain it to Travis. She struggled for a few days, and these thoughts kept playing through my head. I cried to my mom and explained that I just didn't feel attached to her. I look back and think it was probably because I was afraid to touch her and she was too fragile to hold.

It broke my heart to feel the way I did. But little by little, breath by breath, my heart made room for Vanessa. Each day it got better and better, and when Vanessa finally came home and Travis was so happy, I knew as painful as it all was, it was worth it.

Now, I am constantly reminded of how much Vanessa was meant to be part of our family. Travis doesn't go easy on his sister, and he is probably the only one that doesn't look at her like the little miracle that she is. Travis just loves his sister, plain and simple. He picks on her and praises her, and always loves to make her laugh. Vanessa is enamored with her big brother. The minute she hears his voice, she get's excited. I'm sure that soon they will be at odds with each other, fighting over who knows what, but for now I'm going to enjoy them as they are now.

I often try to distinguish whether my emotions are preemie or parent related. Did anyone have this experience with their second child? I'd love to hear your story. I promise I won't judge :)

15 Month Update!

Obviously, we've had many, many, many visits to the Peditrician's office since Vanessa came home just less than 1 year ago. Most of these visits are ok, but ultimately result in a conversation about Vanessa's weight gain (or lack there of). This has been one of the most stressful things for me since discharge and maybe even before that. The thing that I've had such a hard time with is that with my Lactation Education/Training, I was taught to look at the baby. I know what a failure to thrive baby looks like, and that has never been Vanessa. So, all along I've struggled when we've had to have a discussion about her weight, because to me if she wasn't meeting milestones and was regressing, then yeah, I could justify that maybe her intake would be impacting that. But when I look at Vanessa and see her doing things that many, many, many former 25 weekers never do, I have a very hard time critcising her weight gain.

That being said, I've seen my Pediatrician since we moved out to Arizona. He's been seeing Travis since Travis was 6 months old and I love his no nonsense attitude. He doesn't get overly excited about things, so the fact that we was talking to me so much about weight gain made it clear to me that this was important even with Vanessa's apparent developmental gains. So since July, Henry and I have been doing everything we can to up her caloric/fat intake. I researched the highest calorie fruits and veggies and made sure those were what she was primarily eating. Of course, we had some bumps along the way. Vanessa got RSV and pretty much didn't eat for a week. That sucked. Then following the RSV she got 3 ear infections. That sucked too. Sick babies don't care to eat and I can't blame them, because eating is not a priority for me when I'm sick either.

So by the time Vanessa's 1 year appointment came up in September, it's not very surprising that she was a tiny 13.8 lbs. Ugh. The doctor said to put her on toddler formula because it's higher in calories than whole milk. I'll say this is probably one of the few times I didn't listen and took a risk. Everything I read about toddler formula was that it was very sweet, which worried me that I wouldn't ever get her to drink anything that wasn't sweet. So I put her on whole milk and kept up our high calorie fruit/veggie diet. I'm proud to say that on Tuesday, she weighed a whopping 18 lbs! She gained 5 lbs since September! We are still sticking with her diet, although we've gotten a little bit less stringent on it as she is loving table foods which is nearly impossible to track her intake with that. But, she can't be eating purees for the rest of her life, so she needs to explore and I'm fine with that.



This is a full term infant growth chart. What the doctor looks at is to see if a) she's following the curve and b) if she's getting close to being on the curve. As you can see, she's getting there!

Ok, so she's still in the 0%ile for her weight... Who cares!



Yummy Pasta!