For One So Small, You Seem So Strong

I've been contemplating and rationalizing my feelings a lot lately. I can feel my emotions swing throughout the day from pure joy to utter dispair. I fly off the handle at the most insignificant thing and I've been feeling especially selfish lately. I don't think it's fair. I know that I have so much to be grateful for, but it's hard to see that when there seems to be no end in sight. I've been thinking though, that a mother/infant seperation is traumatic. I explained one night to Henry how you see these shows on Discovery Channel about mother animals flying off the handle when there babies are taken from them. I can't help but think that maybe how I'm feeling is typical???

Nothing has really prompted this particular entry. We are still on the oscilattor, and although Vanessa is gaining weight like a champ, it feels insignificant when she still on the ventilator. People keep asking "At what weight can she come home?" and this question is so frustrating to me. I think it's frustrating because with Travis, weight was the main concern and pretty much, once he got bigger he was coming home. We are not there with Vanessa... Weight is not the concern, it's all breathing.

I'm ready for her to come home. I'm ready to pick her up at any moment just because she's mine. I'm ready to stay up all night watching her breath, because I know what a miracle each breath is. I'm ready to bath her. I'm ready to dress her up like the little princess she is. I'm ready to hold her, because it has now been 16 days since I held her last. I'm ready...

Henry thinks she looks like me

You'll be in my heart...

♥ Cassea